I recorded my thoughts and feelings in a note book which I am now referring to.

Noted ” Have been feeling some nerves, but only when I think about the surgery. Definately having doubts and wondering what the hell am I doing!? This idea all sounded good in theory, but now it comes to the crunch perhaps it wasn’t such a great idea after all. Things are feeling very surreal. I am feeling incredibly guilty about lying to my mum and friends about having my wisdom teeth pulled. I have no moral issues when it comes to plastic surgery, but to blow $13k on Vanity makes me feel very guilty. I randomly get the feelings of butterflies and that sinking feeling in my stomach everytime my thoughts dwell on tomorrows surgery. I am worried that something may go wrong in the surgery, or that I may never wake up. What a pointless way to die, on something so fickle and unecessary.”

Taken from my notes..

” The night before surgery….put on my running shoes and go for a run. Eat what could be my last dinner! Don’t have any appetite for my favourite food on earth, Ice Cream. Pop 3mg of Xanax before bed. Must have knocked myself out at around 11pm”

“The morning before surgery….awake at 3am! Doh! wrest less in bed until 4am. Decide to get up, have a shower and wash my hair with Johnson’s baby shampoo, just as the doctor ordered. Shave, and wash my mouth with an Anti-Bacterial mouth wash. Emotions - I am feeling very spacey from the huge dose of Xanax. To be honest I feel almost zero nerves and anxiety. Got to love Xanax! Took my Vitamin C, Zinc, Arnica around 4:30am. 5am - have 50 minutes before the Taxi arrives. Concerns going through my mind - lethal reaction to anesthetic. Poor, aesthetic asymmetrical outcome. Just read surgeons notes, no Neurofen 2 weeks before surgery..doh I took 2 last night for my headache! Worried about infection, pain, agony, death”